Books That Made Me
These books are in no certain order, just as they come to me while I journal.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about all the books that I would like to read again, only to get overwhelmed with the amount of books that I have yet to read that I would like to. If there were one thing I could wish for it would be to have a pause button, like that movie Clockstoppers, so I could pause the world and I could read for a while.
We are not here for a long time, and it is bittersweet to know that I will likely not read all the books I intend to. I want to share some of the books that I have read that have stuck with me through the years. Some of them you may hate, and that is fine for you. I hope that from this list you get a deeper glimpse into who I am, who I try to be as an author, and what quotes/scenes live in my head rent-free.
Wuthering Heights
“He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. If all else perished and he remained, I should still continue to be, and if all else remained, and we were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. He’s always, always in my mind; not as a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.”
If you know me even in the slightest you had to have known this book would be on my list. I have read this book so many times, my paperback copy has fallen apart and has been taped over and over. I have so many copies of this book available, but my favorite copy is a stained edition I got at Half Price books while in college, because it features Fritz Eichenberg, a German artist. He made engravings of scenes from the book, and my absolute favorite moment: Cathy has died in childbirth and Heathcliff is howling into the storm. I hope to someday visit the Bronte family home, and the moors that inspired the story. I just love Heathcliff’s character so much, and related to him. He, a poor gypsy boy taken in by a somewhat wealthy Englishman, only to be treated as second class by everyone except Cathy. As a poor girl from Appalachia, his anger at the world and unfairness of his situation–unable to have the thing he wants most, Cathy, clung to my soul.
Macbeth
“Look like the innocent flower,
But be the serpent under it.”
I absolutely love Shakespeare. I even, weirdly enough, like the history plays. But the tragedies! Ugh. They just gut you in the best way. All of the tragedies have a tragic hero who has a tragic flaw, and unfortunately for Macbeth (or if you’re up for it) Lady Macbeth, ambition gets the better of them. The story itself features witches at the beginning, “something wicked this way comes” …hello, GOOSEBUMPS. Especially because she says it just before Macbeth enters, signaling to the audience, this guy is going to go down a dark path. I also just love a good descent into madness story (Lady Macbeth). It is hard to say what my favorite Shakespeare is, because honestly it comes down to this or Hamlet. There’s just something about the characters in both, and their tragic paths, that hums nicely with my own melancholy. I love Lady Macbeth so much because she is the catalyst for Macbeth, and she has the most killer line I have ever read.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
“Maybe the truth is, there's a little bit of loser in all of us. Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things.”
This is probably the first book series that I read that featured prominent female friendships, but with such a diverse cast of characters. PLUS there was a fat girl!!!! This series had me laughing and crying. Everything the four of them goes through felt so real to me that I felt as if I were also in the sisterhood. I enjoyed the movie, but the books were everything for me. I loved Carmen, because I was also a fat girl, with mostly straight-sized friends. But I identified most with Bee’s curiosity and yearning for adventure. I wanted to travel and see the world, and I honestly still do. These girls were messy, but in a way I could relate to. They felt so real to me, and they will never leave me.
Twilight
“I decided as long as I'm going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.”
This was my first experience with paranormal romance, and honestly, I’ve never looked back. (LOL) No, in all seriousness, I was 12 when I read the first book and became completely and utterly obsessed. Bella was weird and awkward, and because of her “new kid” status she felt “othered”, and as a fat kid I related with that so much. I think what really drew me in, was not the fact that Edward was old school romantic, or handsome, but that he seemed to be the only person in Bella’s life (I guess other than Charlie but also no?) that really cared about her. Like this girl was parentified as all get out. She left her mother, who was neglectful in a way that is unreal to my adult brain, and then moved to live with her father who she cooked dinner for because he’s just helpless??? Aside from the fact that he is a grown ass man…why was this 17 year old making you dinner?!?! Then there was a time in my life where I was doing very similar things for my family because my mom worked second shift, and I was cooking dinner for me, my brother, and dad. It was nice to escape into this world and think that maybe there was someone out there for me that could help me escape. I did find my Edward in the end.
Annabel Lee
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we—
Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in Heaven above
Nor the demons down under the sea
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
I have this one memorized folks. Another poem of love and loss, life and death. The speaker talks of a woman he is so in love with, Annabel Lee, and she lives on the coast. She catches a chill, likely pneumonia, and she dies. The speaker is lying on her grave trying to come to terms with it, saying that the angels in heaven were so jealous of their love that they took her from him. Ugh the heartache, the yearning! I can’t. This just gets me every time. We loved with a love that was more than love—I and my Annabel Lee. It’s just so poignant. It makes my heart clench. I always tell Jason that I hope I go first, because I could not bear to lose him. I do like to believe in soul-mates. The love between two people can be so strong, its devastating when one of you passes. Such is the tragedy of living, knowing we must all die.
Did I mention I love melancholy, the macabre??? Because I do. I have always felt so strongly, and been so sensitive that I have clung to works such as these. This is not an exhaustive list. These are just the ones that are on the top of my head. The quotes I pull from the ether to soothe my heart. The characters that have shaped me, stood beside me as I’ve grown. Of course they are not all classical literature, some would even argue are terrible. But that’s the beauty of art, what doesn’t move someone will be a tidal wave for another.
I hope you have enjoyed connecting with me. If you’ve not read any of these, I highly recommend them with the caveat that they might not be for you. Let me know what books shaped you in the comments.
