What’s Next?!??

I lost my job in January. I have never been fired before.

I’ve spent most of my life doing everything in my power—oftentimes even beyond my power—to avoid that very situation. However, I was simply unable to work. Healing has meant many days where I can’t get out of bed, and I missed too many days to complete the training hours required. After three months, they decided to let me go.

And to be honest with you, I felt relieved.

I told my therapist that it was a relief because I was finally free from that constant guilt and responsibility I felt toward them every time I had to miss work for reasons outside of my control.

Since then, I have spent almost every moment focusing on healing properly and thinking about what I want to do with my life. I have come to terms with the fact that I will likely never work in a library again. Though I loved the work and still believe it is vitally important, I am no longer able to work in a public setting. It’s the unknown variable of what may walk through the doors that continues to re-traumatize me, no matter if I switched branches or even systems. I couldn’t outrun what happened to me, so I have to face it.

I do not regret attending Georgetown College and obtaining my English degree. I do not regret choosing libraries as my career path all those years ago, and doubling down by getting my Masters in Library and Information Science from [UK]. I do not regret working mostly with children and performing hundreds—maybe even thousands—of storytimes and programs. And I also do not regret the decision to walk away from the profession entirely.

Instead, I want to start focusing on my more creative side in a way that does not trigger me.

I have always loved to write, draw, sing, make things, paint—anything creative, really. Something that has been on my mind a lot lately is my papaw seeing my drawing “Harold” for the first time and saying, “This is what you should’ve gone to school for.”

Teresa Curtis [Morrow], Harold, 2009, Charcoal pencil and blender on sketchbook paper.

At the time, I thought he was out of his mind. How could anyone make a living doing art? It seemed even more impractical to me then than my English degree.

Well, I’m going to start betting on myself.

Recently I’ve been learning how to make hand-crafted cold process soap, and I’m planning to start a small business from home selling the soaps I create. I want to travel to craft fairs with Jason during the summer and fall. I want to make soap that I can use for my eczema, made with natural ingredients that are gentle on sensitive skin. I want to express myself creatively in this way while also being my own boss.

I still plan to write, and I don’t want anyone to think I’ve given up on being an author. I want to publish my books. But I also want to explore more than one creative outlet and see where it leads. Hopefully one creative pursuit can help support the others.

Of course, practically speaking, if this path is not sustainable I will fall back on looking for school librarian positions, or possibly even transitioning to university libraries. But right now, I desperately need a break. I need time to heal and to do something for myself for once.

I want to choose something for myself instead of constantly worrying about what others will think.

My hope is to launch this business this summer, with fall being the latest. I would love to create soaps for Christmas orders and offer products that are both beautiful and functional.

I’ve always dreamed of having goats to make soap with their milk (and for their companionship, of course), but since I can’t exactly go out and buy a goat right now, I’ll be sourcing goat milk from someone local instead.

I want to be the reason you smile when you get a package in the mail.

I guess you could say I want to live in a Richard Scarry book. And honestly, why isn’t real life more community-focused in that way?

I also plan on continuing my YouTube content occasionally, and I’ve even (hopefully) convinced a friend to start a podcast with me. I’m not completely out of the pottery-making business either—I’m just putting that on the back burner for now because it requires such a large investment to get started, whereas the other creative projects are much more affordable to begin with.

Right now, I just want to have fun. And if one of these creative paths ends up paying the bills, then so be it.

I hope you’ll stick with me on this journey. Maybe I can even inspire you to take a leap of faith of your own, whatever that may look like for you.

Life is too short.

And I’m done wasting mine.