Life Lately: New Job, Lost Sleep, and Missing Mamaw
Hey friends!
I want to start by saying thank you to all of you that keep coming back to my site to read my posts. I appreciate you more than you can ever know. At first I was a little worried about putting my writing out there, but I have decided to go back to something that brings me joy. (and do it fearlessly)
I want to not only share my creative writing with you, but also every now and again just check-in with reality. And that’s what this post is today.
Earlier this month I was in a spiral about my career, my life, just everything. I know that sounds dramatic but hang with me. I learned that I got a new job with a new library system, and I couldn’t be more excited to join them. They are smaller than the library system I worked for [yep, I’m already out of there], and the branch I’ll be working at is closer to my house. That means I can take back roads to get to work instead of the highway, which is a trigger for me right now.
Then my debit card got stolen. Not physically, I still had it on me, but someone used our account to buy themselves something nice from Microsoft. We ended up getting a new card, and that in itself has been a hassle. I kept forgetting that my card was closed and was trying to pay bills but stuff kept declining and I was like I know there is money in my account what is happening…only to realize that it was the card number. That is probably the worst part of someone getting into your account, waiting for a new card to come in the mail!
I also haven’t been sleeping well again. This is largely due to the fact that I cannot stop thinking about my Mamaw Evelyn. She died October 13, 2011 and the closer we get to that date every year I start having dreams. My husband literally shook me awake the other night because I was crying and yelling out “she’s gone, she’s gone”. Which, I guess you could call a night terror? She was an incredible mamaw and I miss her so much. I wish she had been able to meet my husband, and my nieces. I wish she had seen me graduate college, and then get my MLIS. Mamaws are just never here long enough.
I know this is a little taboo, but I have heard that cardinals are your deceased relatives coming to visit, and I believe that. I have been smelling cigarette smoke out of nowhere again, and when I’m the only one that smells it, I like to think that it is her visiting me. I started working on a poem that I am going to dedicate to her, and I’ll probably save that for the vault.
Maybe I am just homesick for Kentucky. It has probably been since Christmas last year since I have visited. I know I’ll be visiting soon for my youngest niece’s birthday. I’ll be sure to take plenty of pictures, and share any poems or writing I manage to scribble while I’m down there.
I am looking forward to October, my new job, and reconnecting with family. I hope that you are able to visit those that you love and hold dear. I wish you crisp autumn nights, warm fuzzy blankets, and a hot cup of tea (or coffee).
Thanks for being here with me. It means more than you know.
Always,
Teresa
